Platonic Parenting

Platonic Parenting
Larry and Joni Jones with video

What is Platonic Parenting?
Platonic parenting is an emerging social concept in which two or more individuals have agreed to raise a child or children without romantic involvement or becoming married. Oftentimes this is reflected in a Platonic Parenting Agreement, but sometimes it is through a mutual, verbal understanding rather than any written, legal document. The parents can be strangers, acquaintances, friends, even distant family members. They can also include sperm/egg donors or surrogates into the arrangement as well.

Why Choose Platonic Parenting?
There are many reasons that an individual may seek out platonic parenting to raise a child rather than through a traditional romantic relationship. Perhaps they feel as if their biological clock for having a child is coming to an end, but do not want to be a single parent. Perhaps they are looking to avoid issues or situations that caused trauma from a previous divorce or romantic relationship. Perhaps they just haven’t met the right person yet, but want the joy of bringing a child into this world and raising it with more than one parent, such as a close friend. Perhaps a couple who cannot have a child on their own need a donor or surrogate, but feel that person should be involved in raising the child. Whatever the reason, platonic parenting can be an effective way for adults to bear and raise a child in a healthy environment that works best for them.

Platonic Parenting Agreements
A platonic parenting agreement can be written or verbal and can be very general or extremely detailed. The purpose of these agreements is to ensure that all parenting parties are on the same page and can include provisions related to financial obligations, medical treatment, visitation, and a variety of other contingencies and situations. These agreements can be used by interested parties to ensure their counter-part is acting in good faith and help judges make determinations if issues or unforeseen situations arise. While these can be legally binding, once a child is born, a judge can determine that the rights of the child make take precedence over the provisions in the agreement since the child can not be considered an interested party in the agreement because the child was not born yet or the child is a minor.

Platonic Parenting Issues
Individuals engaged in platonic parenting are not immune from many of the issues married couples or romantically involved couples face. Fights over finances, behaviors, beliefs, or a myriad of other things can sour the relationship, creating irreconcilable differences. One parent may have to move away from the child, which can create issues related to custody, visitation, child support, etc. One parent may become married or romantically involved with another person; does that third party have any rights or influence on the original platonic parents and their child? These issues and more can lead to a breakdown in the relationship and similar to a divorce, a judge or mediator might need to become involved to make decisions for the child, similar to a divorce.

However, as with all relationships, counseling can be an effective tool to help foster dialogue between parties and ensure a healthy parental relationship for the child. Co-parenting counseling is a way for parents to openly discuss their feelings and intentions regarding raising a child that can serve as the basis of understanding for entering into a platonic parenting agreement. Co-parenting counseling can also help strangers or acquaintances early on the process determine if platonic parenting is a good fit and the motivations of their prospective parenting partner.

Original article published 10/4/2021
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