Community Questions (article 4)

Community Questions (article 4)

In our last forum we were on the topic of how many of us run our lives by trying to please other people and wonder how we wind up in a whirlwind of emotions; going from feeling pleased and confident to dropping to a low feeling of despair. This concept is not complicating to understand. We discussed how no two people are alike. Therefore people will have different perceptions and responses. Acceptance of the fact that you cannot please everybody is a key concept in this particular situation. If you cannot please everyone then the simple solution is pleasing yourself.

I will share my own personal experience to show an example. I have presented in front of many audiences. When I received positive reinforcement I left feeling on top of the world. My esteem and confidence level was high and I felt good about myself. I gave the same presentation and received an evaluation form where a participant was not happy with the presentation and openly expressed such disagreement and dissatisfaction. I was so torn my mood spiraled downward.

How can one go through life with a balanced mood trying to please everyone if we accept the fact that everyone is different and will have different perceptions and responses. Using the formula, I identified that trying to please everyone did not make me happy. If I took the cycle concept “if I keep doing what I am doing, I will keep getting what I am getting” then breaking the cycle to promote my own happiness and balance involved changing my “self-talk.” I reminded myself that although it would be nice to promote happiness in others, the fact is that I will never please everybody. Changing self-talk can be life altering for many. Changing my self-talk and accepting facts was the first step in breaking the cycle.

Being a creature of habit, I had to think of a way to take myself out of my comfort zone and experiment in a way that I could become comfortable with myself despite controversy of the opinion of others. I developed a plan and set it into action. It was my own game plan and being in control paved the way toward a positive attitude. It was actually fun to see such reactions to such a menial thing.

I simply had my daughter dye my hair half black. It was unbelievable about how such a thing received such attention in my world of employment. It amazed me to see how other people had so little going on in their life to make my hair a topic of such concern. But this was a perfect lead to my experiment to strengthen my own balance and control.

I liked my hair. It was different and it was a change. I would say it was almost a split percentage to those who liked it and those who didn’t, when I didn’t even ask their advice. Now with that said, what was I to do? Dye it for those who liked it? Dye it back for those who don’t? Look at how exhausting and silly such a concept would be. I liked it and could stand tall. I even threw in little hat accessory and feathers. Changing doesn’t have to be a chore and it actually can be fun. I maintained full control and my strategy was working. I had no choice but to please myself. To top things off I won hospital award recognition for outstanding services and have the picture that will always remind me of my action plan to change.

When I felt comfortable enough and with my hair rapidly growing I took out the black. Once in a while I throw the hat accessory and feather in just because I like it. I came out of my comfort zone and entered the world of “pleasing verses not pleasing” and with practice have become more attuned to accepting what I have no control of and drive down a path of what I do. Look for the next issue of HIBU and community questions exploring self-talk.